AC-CENT-TCHU-ATE THE POSITIVE!

Focusing on Strengths and Practicing “Positive Psychology” for Resilient Children and Families

The Maryland Psychological Association Offers Tips for Promoting Children’s and Families’

Good Mental Health

It’s an old song written for another stressful time in our country:

You've got to accentuate the positive

 Eliminate the negative

 Latch on to the affirmative

 Don't mess with Mister In-Between

 You've got to spread joy up to the maximum

 Bring gloom down to the minimum

 Have faith or pandemonium

 Liable to walk upon the scene…

While these Johnny Mercer lyrics were written in 1944, the wisdom they contain about the importance of maintaining a positive mindset for positive living is timeless.  Over the past decade, psychology has been making great strides to shift its focus from studying and treating mental health problems to finding out what helps people to adapt well to and even thrive in the face of adversity and significant life stressors.  This ability to deal well with the set-backs, stressors, losses we all face in life is known as “resilience.”  The good news is that a great deal is being learned about what makes up this ability and how we can all learn to develop resilience and teach it to our children. 

Building resilience involves thoughts, behaviors, and actions that can be learned over time.  You may have read or heard about “Positive Psychology.” While the importance of maintaining a hopeful, positive perspective may not be new - remember being told about whistling while you work and that little old ant who kept trying to move that rubber tree plant?  -   their application to the treatment of mental health problems and the shift from treatment to prevention are in fact quite recent.  Having a positive attitude, feeling confident in one’s ability to effectively deal with life’s problems along with the expectation that some things will just take time, believing that you can learn from and be made stronger by both positive and negative experiences, and cultivating positive emotion and laughter have all been found to contribute to resilience. 

Not an easy task?  Well, it is actually easier than you might think, and even making a few positive changes in your and your children’s lives can result in significant gains.  Plus, you and your family do not have go it alone.  With the internet and organizations like the American Psychological Association (APA) and locally the Maryland Psychological Association (MPA), the resources to help parents raise more stress-resilient children are literally right at your fingertips.  For example, you can go to APA’s website www.apahelpcenter.org, which is an online resource for brochures, tips and articles on the psychological issues, parenting, and wellness.  Below are a few of the tips for parents’ and teachers’ on building resilience in kids and teens:

Make connections. Teach your child how to make friends…and encourage your child to be a friend in order to get friends.  Connecting with people provides social support and strengthens resilience.  Some find connecting with one’s faith to be a source of comfort and you may wish to introduce your child to you own traditions of worship.

Help your child by having him or her help others.  Children who may feel helpless can be empowered by helping others.  Engage your child in age-appropriate volunteer work, or ask for assistance yourself with some task that your child can master.

Maintain a daily routine. Sticking to a routine can be comforting to children, especially younger children who crave structure in their lives.  Encourage your child to develop his or her own routines.

Take a break. While it is important to stick to routines, endlessly worrying can be counter-productive.  Teach your child how to focus on something besides what’s worrying him.  Be aware of what your child is exposed to that can be troubling, whether it be news, the Internet, or overheard conversations, and make sure your child takes a break from those things if they trouble her.

Teach you child self-care. Make yourself a good example and teach your child the importance of making time to eat properly, exercise and rest. Make sure your child has time to have fun and make sure that your child hasn’t scheduled every moment of his or her life with no “down time” to relax.  Caring for oneself and even having fun will help you and your child stay balanced and better deal with stressful times.

Move toward your goals
Teach your child to set reasonable goals and then to move toward them one step at a time. Moving toward that goal - even if it's a tiny step - and receiving praise for doing so will focus your child on what he or she has accomplished rather than on what hasn't been accomplished, and can help build the resilience to move forward in the face of challenges. At school, break down large assignments into small, achievable goals for younger children, and for older children, acknowledge accomplishments on the way to larger goals.

Nurture a positive self-view
Help your child remember ways that he or she has successfully handled hardships in the past and then help him understand that these past challenges help him build the strength to handle future challenges. Help your child learn to trust himself to solve problems and make appropriate decisions. Teach your child to see the humor in life, and the ability to laugh at one's self. At school, help children see how their individual accomplishments contribute to the wellbeing of the class as a whole.

Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook
Even when your child is facing very painful events, help him look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Although your child may be too young to consider a long-term look on his own, help him or her see that there is a future beyond the current situation and that the future can be good. An optimistic and positive outlook enables your child to see the good things in life and keep going even in the hardest times. In school, use history to show that life moves on after bad events.

Look for opportunities for self-discovery
Tough times are often the times when children learn the most about themselves. Help your child take a look at how whatever he is facing can teach him "what he is made of." At school, consider leading discussions of what each student has learned after facing down a tough situation.

Accept that change is part of living
Change often can be scary for children and teens. Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable. In school, point out how students have changed as they moved up in grade levels and discuss how that change has had an impact on the students.

If your child seems stuck or overwhelmed and unable to use the tips listed above, you may want to consider talking to someone who can help, such as a psychologist or other mental health professional. Turning to someone for guidance may help your child strengthen resilience and persevere during times of stress or trauma. By the way, congratulations.  Having read this article just started you and your family’s journey in resilience building.  The road ahead is brighter, just take the next step, and if you come up against a rubber tree plant….well, you’ll know what to do.

Rick Lanham, Ph.D.

The Maryland Psychological Association offers tips for families to help teach resilience and remain positive in difficult times.

This Spring, Clean Out the Negative Thought and Replace it with the Positive

COLUMBIA, MD (April 27, 2009) - Did you know that being positive can improve a person’s physical health?*  Being positive may sound simple, but in a failing economy, time of war, fears about mortgages, college tuition, retirement, and day-to-day expenses, remaining positive can be one though task. Just like the junk in the garage, negative thought can build up and it can become difficult to break.

“It’s normal to feel overwhelmed when you seem to be surrounded by bad news that impacts your family situation, but we have to understand the difference between normal and unhealthy.” says Mary Alvord, Ph.D. Public Education Coordinator for the Maryland Psychological Association.

Sometimes we don’t stop to think how stress and negativity may be affecting our health and in turn our families, especially our children who are no doubt noticing the increased stress of parents during the financial crisis and may be experiencing their own stress as a result.

“Seeing this difficult situation in a positive light can help you build and utilize your resilience. Making a few positive changes in your and your children’s lives can result in a healthier physical and mental lifestyle”, says Dr. Alvord.

Here are a few tips to help build resilience and optimism in ourselves and pass them along to our kids and teens:

1)      Make connections.

2)      Help your child by having him or her help others.

3)      Maintain a daily routine.

4)      Take a break  

5)      Teach you child self-care.

6)      Move toward your goals

7)      Nurture a positive self-view

8)      Look for opportunities for self-discovery

9)      Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook

10)    Accept that change is part of living

Over the past decade, psychology has been making great strides to shift its focus from studying and treating mental health problems to finding out what helps people to adapt well to and even thrive in the face of adversity and significant life stressors, such as the challenging times our country is facing.  This ability to deal well with the set-backs, stressors, losses we all face in life is known as “resilience.”  Resilience is a learned skill that can help carry you through the current crisis as well as future relationship, family, or work problems you may encounter. A great deal is being learned about how we can all learn to develop resilience and teach it to our children to live a healthier and longer life. 

The Maryland Psychological Association will be exhibiting at the upcoming 2nd Annual Child and Adolescent Mental Health Fair being held on Thursday, April 30th, in Baltimore County, as a part of the Children’s Mental Health Matters awareness campaign.  For more information and resources visit us on the web at www.marylandpsychology.org or visit the American Psychological Associations help center at  www.apahelpcenter.org.

The Maryland Psychological Association (MPA), in Columbia, Maryland, is the statewide Professional Association for Maryland Psychologists, affiliated with the American Psychological Association.  MPA’s membership includes more than 1,300 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students.  MPA’s purpose is to advance psychology as a science, a practice, and a means of promoting human welfare. 

*(APA, Learned Optimism Yields Health Benefits)